I have my down moments but lately, I've been feeling a lot better. I've started to get used to my situation more and for some reason, I just have a lot less self-pity these days. It might also have something to do with the fact that I've started taking a beginner yoga class and have stopped my tutoring job, which I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE at! I've even started a new internship that is actually paid! Shocking, I know.

As of this week, I am an official the Editorial Operations intern at Curbed.com! How did I find this internship? Funny you should ask. I was actually referred to the application through a colleague of one of my parent's who always seems to have a tip for someone. Seriously, she should write a book on advice about everything. But, to get to the point, I applied and then didn't hear anything for a few days. After having the importance of following up drilled into me, I went ahead and emailed the person I sent my application to and, to my great surprise, I actually got a response. This is pretty rare in the job applying world, if you weren't aware. About 70-80 percent of the time, you are not guaranteed any response. Zero. Zip.

The email was asking me to come in for an interview next week, so I quickly wrote back that yes I was free and would be glad to come in. The following Thursday, I arrived and did my first official job-type interview as a college-grad. It went surprisingly well, if I do say so myself. I'm not the best when it comes to selling myself or public speaking in general. I stammer, I stumble over words, I say the wrong thing, I get nervous and it all comes out so fast you would think I was competing in a speed-reading-out-loud contest.

But I tried to breath, speak slowly, and be as honest and positive as I could. I guess the woman liked me because at the end, she said that she probably wasn't going to interview anyone else since the others hadn't seemed like a good fit. I silently cheered in my head. Then...I sorted of mucked it up. I said that sounded great. I then asked how long the company had been around, as I had forgotten to look it up. AAA! Rewind, delete!! I thought to myself. Definitely a no no. Do your research about the place you are interviewing at beforehand. I know this and yet somehow I didn't do it. Pure laziness is my only excuse. Don't make my mistake.
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My first day was yesterday, Monday. I'm working Mondays and Wednesdays 11-5 for 25 dollars a day, which essentially pays for my train ticket, but hey-it's something. You have to start somewhere, right?

I really need to talk about this because it's something I've been dealing with ever since graduation. I've been living on my own for four years, so I knew moving back home was going to be a difficult transition. But it's REALLY hard! I think it's because once we graduate we're sort of in this weird phase where we feel like we're adults, but our parents haven't realized it yet.

And who can blame them? They've taken care of us for about eighteen years of our life and all those months in between college. Suddenly we're home and they expect us to do chores and give them IT help when they want to upload their photos of your dog dressed in a Christmas sweater and reindeer antlers. And the chores...I'm not a slob, I clean up after myself. But there's just something so irritating about being told to do something versus just doing it on your own. It almost makes you NOT want to do it. You know what I mean?

I think the worst part of living at home is that you realize you're not as independent as you once were. College is great because it's basically real life without the actual responsibilities. All you have to do is get good grades, go to class, and then the rest of your time is all yours. Meanwhile at home, Mom and Dad want you to go to the movies with them, make dinner together, and spend 100% of your time with them. I love my parents and I do enjoy spending time with them. But I can't spend every single second of my day with them. I'm an only child, I need to be on my own at some point. And when they want me to spend every single moment together, honestly, it drives me a bit bananas.

All I can say is, it's a learning process. I'm frustrated by the fact that I don't have a job yet, so I often end up taking it out on them by snapping at them when they ask me things and being very grumpy a lot of the time. Then I end up being mad at myself. It's not a healthy cycle. I'm trying to find ways to de-stress. Running is great for me because even though I hate running, I feel great afterward and this puts me in a good mood. Writing everything that's going on in my head helps a lot too. Just getting it out on the page makes me feel relieved. It's almost like all the anger, stress, and frustration are being sucked out of me.

Writing also helps you because later on you can look back and see how much you've changed and grown as a person. Growing up is really hard for you and your parents. They have to learn to let go and you have to learn how to be an adult, yet still respect them at the same time. I think the best way to go about this is to just think about how you want to be treated. Would you like coming home to someone grumpy who snaps at you all the time? No. So take a moment, breath, remember they're there to help and love you and then go. If you're having issues with boundaries or them being over-controlling, talk to them rationally, like an adult. Don't take the passive aggressive approach like I always do-"No, really, NOTHING'S WRONG!!"
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I'm trying to start doing this little exercise where I treat my parents like older friends but with respect included in that mix. It hasn't been so successful yet but I'm definitely want to try. My parents are very supportive and maybe if I didn't have parents who were willing to take me in so easily, I would realize that more easily. But I don't, so I have to learn the hard way-by getting over my problems and issues and just realizing that they supported me for 18 years and now it's time to give back a little. As my commencement speaker, Ira Glass said, "Don't be a d*ck!" See his whole speech here!

I haven't posted in a while and somehow I feel as if I blog more, maybe it will motivate me more. Who knows? All I can say is, these past couple of weeks have been really up and down. But I'm feeling a lot better now, thankfully.

Today I've been thinking a lot about those security blanket phrases. You know the ones I mean. The ones that you, as a college graduate, hear about 5 times a day. "Oh, you'll find a job soon." "You have to start somewhere." "It will be okay." "It teaches you hard work."

Okay, that last one makes sense but to all those other answers, you know what-NO! It might NOT be ok, I might NOT find a job doing exactly what I love that pays me really well, and yes I'm starting somewhere but what if I get stuck there or it goes somewhere that I didn't even want to go to in the first place?! What do you have to say to that??

I know that the people who say these things are just trying to show me some love and offer their support. But honestly, these words are not helpful in the slightest. These supposedly comforting phrases are in essence, the cheek pinch of the grown-up world. When you were little, they pinched your cheeks. Now that you're an adult, they use words to lure you into a false feeling of safety.

You know what would be more helpful and loving? If you can find me a job, or give me the experience I need to get a job, or pay for me to go back to school so I can learn more/bury my head in the sand for 2-4 more years. "I have someone who is looking for a ______", "You know I heard ______ is hiring", or better yet, "I want to hire you!" Those are the words I want to hear.

What makes these words so annoying, so awful is that, like I said, it may not be ok. So many retired and out of work adults have been forced to go back to work, some at menial jobs or jobs they are completed overqualified for. In an effort to make money during this time of economic instability,many many people are doing jobs they hate. All I'm trying to say is that I know you care about me, but let's get real here-we're in a terrible economy, the job market is awful. It may get worse before it gets better. Or it may just get worse and slightly better. Who knows? I need help finding a job, I need solid helpful advice, and I need experience so I can snag that job of my dreams. What I don't need are cheek pinches. They're annoying, useless and they leave an uncomfortable twinge of annoyance and pain.
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What I'm trying to say is that coddling me is not helpful. Soft, nice words are not helpful. I'd rather people say nothing at all, or a simple, "I'm sorry, I hope things get better." No one knows the future and I wish you would stop pretending you do.

Last week was a bit of a low point for me. As a college-grad, I wouldn't go so far as to say my career (or lack thereof) is a downward spiral, as much as it's become a road filled with twists, turns, and hills.

There are the days I get inspired to start a project, knit my boyfriend gloves, or even start running. But then there are the days where I literally only leave the house for my tutoring job or to walk my dog. I start to feel trapped, cooped up and depressed. I don't want to go out by myself, my only human interaction is with my parents and I feel listless and lazy.

In my heart, I know if I pushed myself to be more active in my job search or made myself busy, I wouldn't feel this way. But it's so much easier to be this way, to not care, to make no effort. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, but lately it seems like I am.

When I'm happy, it's great. When I get depressed, it makes everything that much harder. It turns nightly chats with my boyfriend into extended two hour long conversations with me sobbing about my failure of a life, while he tries so hard to comforts me. It turns every job offer I find a checklist of things I can't do. The lower I sink, the more negative I become, the more I despise myself.

Enter my mother, as always, saving me, yet again. Somehow she always knows how I'm feeling, even if I don't tell her. Just last week, she came to me with a job offer she had heard about from a friend, which involved working as a personal assistant at a PR/marketing business. "I don't want to work in marketing." I said sourly. Though she brought it up one or two more times, I kept shutting her down.

A few days later, as I sleepily emerged from bed and was coming downstairs, she told me that she was inviting her friend from yoga class over for lunch. This was in fact, the very same friend who suggested the job at the marketing company."She's coming home with me after yoga so be dressed." I acknowledged her grumpily and she left.

When my mom's friend arrived, she sat me down and talked to me about what exactly I wanted to do with my life. By the end of our hour-or-so session, not only had she sold me the idea of the job, but she actually made me feel optimistic about my job prospects. Instead of just throwing phrases at me like, "It will get better, it just takes time" or "You're going to be ok", she gave me step by step ways to actually find a job. As someone looking for a new job herself, she empathized with me and besides making me feel better, it really made me feel understood. Instead of being seen as lazy, unenthusiastic, and unambitious, she seemed to understand exactly what I was going through. Honestly, I think that's exactly what people in my situation, unemployed people, need-not a cheerleader who's overly perky and optimistic, but a coach, who knows whats what and how to rise above.
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The point of this long-winded story is that I've learned some strategies, set some goals, and it's given me a new purpose. I'm still going to procrastinate probably and it won't be easy but at least now I have some direction. Here are the things I've learned:

LinkedIn: Become a Part Of the Chain

• Use LinkedIn to its full capacity. If you don't have one, GET ONE! It will up your worth in a potential employer's eyes tremendously
• Once you have a LinkedIn, search for groups within your interests. For example, I'm connected to my college's Professional Network group. Not only can I post questions in there when I need advice, but I can connect with alumni who may just be able to find me a job. I also joined the group Travel Journalists and Freelance Journalists because that's a career I'm considering.
• Once you've joined some groups, make comments, ask questions, talk to people on it, at least once or twice a week. The more active you are, the more people will take notice, and the more likely someone will want to hire you.
• If you find someone who's doing exactly what you want to do with your life, see if you have any connections to them. To see if you have any connections, look at the person's name in the group or on their profile page. If you see a number, surrounded by light blue, that's your connection! It could be a 2nd, 3rd connection etc.

Freelancing: Free Experience

• If worst comes to worst and you find yourself without a job, sometimes freelancing is the way to go. Not only can you make a little money, it gives you experience and something to show at an interview.
• As someone interested in writing for magazines, I was told to contact places like Trip Advisor and see if they take freelance articles on travel or a local hotel to write a speculative article on your stay there. The worst they can say is no and the best they can say is yes, meaning even if the pay is terrible, you are now a published writer! Congratulations!

A Few Last Words

• Look at the bylines for local newspapers or look up local companies that are working in the field of your dreams and contact one of the people there. Email them to ask if you can meet up and ask them more about how they work, their process and so on. People love to talk about themselves and it gives you some good pointers. Plus, they might find your enthusiasm refreshing and offer you a job. Who knows?
• In your own time, when you're not being a freelancing fiend, start a blog! All the cool kids are doing it. But seriously, when you're out there networking or interviewing for a job, it's almost expected of you. It shows you are ambitious, creative, smart, and you believe in yourself.

And that's what it's all about right? Believing in yourself instead of telling yourself you're a lazy good-for-nothing who couldn't find a job if you tried. Pull yourself out of your self-pity puddle and get busy!

When you need a break, relax and de-stress. You don't even need to spend money to relax! Read a book, watch a show, do some yoga, write or read poetry, take a meditative walk, sing really loudly in your room with your music blasting, take up boxing, eat ice cream, watch Love Actually to get ready for the holidays, or even do some gardening. I started running and it's slowly making me feel better and make me hate running a bit less. Couch to 5K is a really great program to help you start running.
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Thanks to friends for the de-stressing tips. I hope this helped you as much as it helped me.

This sort of feels familiar. I'm starting over in a whole new environment again. Graduating college is a lot like graduating high school. And yet, totally different. I take that back–it's nothing like graduating high school.

I remember the bubble of excitement I felt after high school graduation. Gone were the people who had made my life miserable. I no longer had to wish I was more like them and yet hate them at the same time. I was going to a place where no one ever knew me, somewhere I could start over and find my niche. I was going to find a place to fit into this world, something I had struggled with for years.

But, graduation from college is not what I quite expected. Not that I knew what to expect. I was picturing myself having my own life right away. I was going to move in with a friend, find a job and become a famous journalist, writer, or photojournalist. Or all three. Not so fast, tiger. How about an unpaid internship and a retail job where they never give you any hours first? It's been a slow process.

Everyone always says that you have to start at the bottom and work your way up to your dream job. They neglect to inform you what it feels like to be on the bottom. It sucks, plain and simple. Whether you're working a retail-type job, serving the masses or working at the place you've always wanted (which really means just getting coffee for everyone), you may be on your way, but the road is bumpy. It is full of potholes, road-kill, cracks, and curves. You will screw up, you will see some ugly parts of life, you will get lost. It will be really hard.
No matter what I will be doing in the next few months along this crazy road, I need some part of my life to be inspiring, to give me hope that something is going to change. That I'm going to pick up speed maybe, figure out which direction I should be going in, to continue the metaphor. I just know I can't go on not being able to write the stories I care about, the ones that I think the world needs to hear.
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So, in an attempt to keep practicing my writing and find those stories I care so much about, this will become my writing corner. I hope it serves me well.