I haven't posted in a while and somehow I feel as if I blog more, maybe it will motivate me more. Who knows? All I can say is, these past couple of weeks have been really up and down. But I'm feeling a lot better now, thankfully.

Today I've been thinking a lot about those security blanket phrases. You know the ones I mean. The ones that you, as a college graduate, hear about 5 times a day. "Oh, you'll find a job soon." "You have to start somewhere." "It will be okay." "It teaches you hard work."

Okay, that last one makes sense but to all those other answers, you know what-NO! It might NOT be ok, I might NOT find a job doing exactly what I love that pays me really well, and yes I'm starting somewhere but what if I get stuck there or it goes somewhere that I didn't even want to go to in the first place?! What do you have to say to that??

I know that the people who say these things are just trying to show me some love and offer their support. But honestly, these words are not helpful in the slightest. These supposedly comforting phrases are in essence, the cheek pinch of the grown-up world. When you were little, they pinched your cheeks. Now that you're an adult, they use words to lure you into a false feeling of safety.

You know what would be more helpful and loving? If you can find me a job, or give me the experience I need to get a job, or pay for me to go back to school so I can learn more/bury my head in the sand for 2-4 more years. "I have someone who is looking for a ______", "You know I heard ______ is hiring", or better yet, "I want to hire you!" Those are the words I want to hear.

What makes these words so annoying, so awful is that, like I said, it may not be ok. So many retired and out of work adults have been forced to go back to work, some at menial jobs or jobs they are completed overqualified for. In an effort to make money during this time of economic instability,many many people are doing jobs they hate. All I'm trying to say is that I know you care about me, but let's get real here-we're in a terrible economy, the job market is awful. It may get worse before it gets better. Or it may just get worse and slightly better. Who knows? I need help finding a job, I need solid helpful advice, and I need experience so I can snag that job of my dreams. What I don't need are cheek pinches. They're annoying, useless and they leave an uncomfortable twinge of annoyance and pain.
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What I'm trying to say is that coddling me is not helpful. Soft, nice words are not helpful. I'd rather people say nothing at all, or a simple, "I'm sorry, I hope things get better." No one knows the future and I wish you would stop pretending you do.

Last week was a bit of a low point for me. As a college-grad, I wouldn't go so far as to say my career (or lack thereof) is a downward spiral, as much as it's become a road filled with twists, turns, and hills.

There are the days I get inspired to start a project, knit my boyfriend gloves, or even start running. But then there are the days where I literally only leave the house for my tutoring job or to walk my dog. I start to feel trapped, cooped up and depressed. I don't want to go out by myself, my only human interaction is with my parents and I feel listless and lazy.

In my heart, I know if I pushed myself to be more active in my job search or made myself busy, I wouldn't feel this way. But it's so much easier to be this way, to not care, to make no effort. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, but lately it seems like I am.

When I'm happy, it's great. When I get depressed, it makes everything that much harder. It turns nightly chats with my boyfriend into extended two hour long conversations with me sobbing about my failure of a life, while he tries so hard to comforts me. It turns every job offer I find a checklist of things I can't do. The lower I sink, the more negative I become, the more I despise myself.

Enter my mother, as always, saving me, yet again. Somehow she always knows how I'm feeling, even if I don't tell her. Just last week, she came to me with a job offer she had heard about from a friend, which involved working as a personal assistant at a PR/marketing business. "I don't want to work in marketing." I said sourly. Though she brought it up one or two more times, I kept shutting her down.

A few days later, as I sleepily emerged from bed and was coming downstairs, she told me that she was inviting her friend from yoga class over for lunch. This was in fact, the very same friend who suggested the job at the marketing company."She's coming home with me after yoga so be dressed." I acknowledged her grumpily and she left.

When my mom's friend arrived, she sat me down and talked to me about what exactly I wanted to do with my life. By the end of our hour-or-so session, not only had she sold me the idea of the job, but she actually made me feel optimistic about my job prospects. Instead of just throwing phrases at me like, "It will get better, it just takes time" or "You're going to be ok", she gave me step by step ways to actually find a job. As someone looking for a new job herself, she empathized with me and besides making me feel better, it really made me feel understood. Instead of being seen as lazy, unenthusiastic, and unambitious, she seemed to understand exactly what I was going through. Honestly, I think that's exactly what people in my situation, unemployed people, need-not a cheerleader who's overly perky and optimistic, but a coach, who knows whats what and how to rise above.
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The point of this long-winded story is that I've learned some strategies, set some goals, and it's given me a new purpose. I'm still going to procrastinate probably and it won't be easy but at least now I have some direction. Here are the things I've learned:

LinkedIn: Become a Part Of the Chain

• Use LinkedIn to its full capacity. If you don't have one, GET ONE! It will up your worth in a potential employer's eyes tremendously
• Once you have a LinkedIn, search for groups within your interests. For example, I'm connected to my college's Professional Network group. Not only can I post questions in there when I need advice, but I can connect with alumni who may just be able to find me a job. I also joined the group Travel Journalists and Freelance Journalists because that's a career I'm considering.
• Once you've joined some groups, make comments, ask questions, talk to people on it, at least once or twice a week. The more active you are, the more people will take notice, and the more likely someone will want to hire you.
• If you find someone who's doing exactly what you want to do with your life, see if you have any connections to them. To see if you have any connections, look at the person's name in the group or on their profile page. If you see a number, surrounded by light blue, that's your connection! It could be a 2nd, 3rd connection etc.

Freelancing: Free Experience

• If worst comes to worst and you find yourself without a job, sometimes freelancing is the way to go. Not only can you make a little money, it gives you experience and something to show at an interview.
• As someone interested in writing for magazines, I was told to contact places like Trip Advisor and see if they take freelance articles on travel or a local hotel to write a speculative article on your stay there. The worst they can say is no and the best they can say is yes, meaning even if the pay is terrible, you are now a published writer! Congratulations!

A Few Last Words

• Look at the bylines for local newspapers or look up local companies that are working in the field of your dreams and contact one of the people there. Email them to ask if you can meet up and ask them more about how they work, their process and so on. People love to talk about themselves and it gives you some good pointers. Plus, they might find your enthusiasm refreshing and offer you a job. Who knows?
• In your own time, when you're not being a freelancing fiend, start a blog! All the cool kids are doing it. But seriously, when you're out there networking or interviewing for a job, it's almost expected of you. It shows you are ambitious, creative, smart, and you believe in yourself.

And that's what it's all about right? Believing in yourself instead of telling yourself you're a lazy good-for-nothing who couldn't find a job if you tried. Pull yourself out of your self-pity puddle and get busy!

When you need a break, relax and de-stress. You don't even need to spend money to relax! Read a book, watch a show, do some yoga, write or read poetry, take a meditative walk, sing really loudly in your room with your music blasting, take up boxing, eat ice cream, watch Love Actually to get ready for the holidays, or even do some gardening. I started running and it's slowly making me feel better and make me hate running a bit less. Couch to 5K is a really great program to help you start running.
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Thanks to friends for the de-stressing tips. I hope this helped you as much as it helped me.