Float On: Not Okay

Not too long ago, I was sitting in a cafe before work, drinking tea and making a to-do list. It was still early, although the barista and I had been chatting a bit, I was letting her get on with her morning routine, as she was letting me get on with mine. As I got up to leave, I said goodbye and she said, "Bye India, don't float away now." I stopped and looked at her for a second, slightly put off and then stuttered out some absurd, superficial reply before exiting.

I thought about this all day and what she could have meant by that comment. Maybe I just seemed distracted to her or maybe she could sense that I was off kilter and unfocused. Maybe somehow she just knew. But how? I never asked her why she had said that, but it got me thinking more and more about how sometimes, we just let ourselves float through life. It's pretty easy to do. You get into a routine and you go about your day, not even really thinking about what you're doing. You don't take the time to do things that inspire, thrill or fascinate you anymore. Furthermore, you can't even remember what you've been doing half the time - it just seems like the whole day was blur. Now, this isn't true for everyone of course, but for me personally, I feel like I do this all the time.

Maybe it's because I'm not working in a career that I feel completely in love with still. Maybe it's because I don't make time to do the things I love. Or maybe it's because I don't take time to appreciate the small things. And the big things for that matter. Sometimes, it's important to remember to slow down and focus what you're doing in the moment instead of working and at the same time, starting to think about what needs to be done next.

Sometimes, you settle for what you have right now and you forget to try new challenges or experiences. You get stuck in the same routines day-after-day. I wake up, look through my social media for a little while, get dressed, sometimes eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv and repeat. Other days, I get distracted by emails or my phone until I look at the time and freak out, realizing I have to leave in ten minutes. As I'm running out the door, I often think, what would it be like if I actually developed a morning routine or took the time to wake up and meditate like I've been trying to do for weeks? What if I gave myself enough time to slow down?

That's the thing really - there's so many things to do and so many things to read on our phone that we never take the time to just do nothing. Additionally, we live in a culture that poses doing nothing as being lazy or indulgent, as if we should always be productive or working. Productivity is important, but self-care and self-exploration are equally important. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to read a book, watch a movie or make time for a new skill/project that's not related to our career. As long as it makes you happy, that's what counts.
I however, have the opposite problem. I spend way too much time wasting time. Part of it is that I have an incredibly short attention span. But the other part is that I feel lost. I have bursts of productivity, where I'll apply to jobs but too often, I just get distracted on the Internet for hours and before I know it, the day is gone.
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I think that if I created a career for myself or managed to get a full time job, I would appreciate the down time so much more and make more of my time. I've experienced this before. When I've been busy all day at part-time jobs, I realize how limited my time is and will do what I really enjoy (mostly). But the other thing is, it's so easy to put off big life goals when you have a daily routine. What if we stopped procrastinating on the big stuff and made the big stuff our focus. What if we stopped floating and start swimming? Maybe we would feel like we're going somewhere instead of being taken somewhere.